Thursday, November 5, 2009

I'm that girl.


I’m that girl that has to miss the 1st week of a new class, due to that Evil Swine. (flu, not Omar the Taxi Man).

I’m that girl that is 24 minutes late to the 2nd week of class after walking into 12 (yes, 12) WRONG classrooms.

I’m that girl that pulls out her book, and it is the wrong edition…again…because she cannot bear to pay full price for textbooks – duped once again by that eBay bookseller in Thailand.

I’m that girl that pulls out her (wrong) textbook, only to find 92% of all the pages covered in slime. Strange. Hmmmm…She wonders, Where’s that overly ripe pear that I threw in my laptop bag??? Strange.

I’m that girl that procrastinates on taking her “Formal Group Photograph” for design class – so stops into Caribou on the way to class and asks the first table of 4 she sees if they mind if their photo is taken. After they awkwardly comply, it is noticed that one of them suffers from a lazy eye, another is missing their teeth, and when told to “scrunch together” they appear to wince, stiffen, panic and separate. Hope that’s what the Prof had in mind when he said to capture “warmth & elegance.”

I’m that girl that nods and smiles at the Prof, typing as if she’s taking notes…but is really blogging.

Yes, it is true dear friends. I’m THAT girl.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

You're So Vein...

Today was my 2nd leg surgery. It was at 7:00am. Who schedules surgeries for 7:00am?!?! These people do.

As I'm getting taped to the table {once again, sounds weirder than it was!} the doctor CRANKS up Cool 108 oldies radio station, which he and the 2 nurses danced and sang to for the next hour of my surgery. I was trying to catch up on my beauty sleep while laying on the operation table, when suddenly the doc SHOUTS OUT, "JEN!!! IT'S YOUR SONG!!!!" My sleepy eyes crack open and my drool stops mid-drip as I hear...

"You're so vain...you probably think this song is about you, you're so vaaaain...you probably think this song is about you, don't you, don't you?!"

{Get it? You're so "VEIN?" During my VEIN surgery? Oh boy...}

They all broke out in song and dance and I wondered for a moment if I was in some sick reality show or candid camera episode. The automatic blood pressure cuff on my arm began squeezing and they kept singing and then I saw them pulling a wire out of my leg as if they were pulling in an intertube from the back of a boat.

All I could think as I drifted back off to sleep was, "This is my life. THIS is my life."

Monday, October 26, 2009

Totally "Vein"

What do 2 compression stockings, 4 maxi pads, a pair of spandex biking shorts, and a treadmill have in common?

No, it is NOT my Halloween Costume...seriously guys. Allow me to share today's "Jenni Adventure." {ah-ah-ah-hem - clearing of the throat}

Several months ago I had some leg veins looked at and was told I definately required surgery on 4 of them {2 major ones deep in each leg}. My surgery on my right leg was today and it was EXTREMELY amazing. I was covered in paper and taped down {that sounds weirder than it was} so only my right leg was exposed. I was awake the entire hour as they numbed my leg, literally strung a 4 foot long piece of wire up through a vein, inserted a catheter {IN THE VEIN!} :) , pumped the leg full of fluid, and then proceeded to shoot lasers into it through over 12 {or was it 20?} needle punctures along the entire length of my full leg.

When it was all said and done, the girl put a compression stocking on that leg with many overwhelming instructions, including {but not limited to}: not being able to shower for A WEEK, wearing the compression stockings 24/7 for a week and then during waking hours for a month, strict instructions to walk at least an hour each day, no lifting, etc...

Now here comes the "Who DOES that?!?!?!" part of the story...

The girl inserted MAXI PADS into several spots of the compression stocking. I said, ummm, miss, why the heck are you filling my compression stockings with maxi pads?!?! She said that the punctured holes in my leg might leak fluid over the next week, so I should "stock up." Weird...

About an hour after leaving the building and walking through a busy area along with stopping at Chipotle for dinner, I made a bathroom stop. Examining my right leg, I immediately noticed there was a slight problem. Where there once had been TWO maxi pads, there was now only ONE!!!! I then recalled how one of them was sticking out the top of the stocking a bit, yet I hadn't bothered to correct it.

WHICH MEANS I WAS WALKING AROUND IN PUBLIC, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A GINORMOUS MAXI PAD SLIPPED DOWN MY NUMB LEG, THROUGH MY PANTS, ONLY TO ESCAPE OUT THE BOTTOM...ABANDONED...potentially in line at Chipotle...? One can only pray not...

*Oh and to explain the biker shorts, they recommended I wear a pair OVER the compression stockings UNDER my pants so that the hose don't fall down...sweeeet. So attractive.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Jenni's Top "Warm Winter" Tips

There seems to be a lot of negativity surrounding the weather lately. Guests come into Aveda wet and grouchy...until I offer them tea and a complimentary neck and shoulder massage {confident hair flip}...really the combo cures even the most pre-menstrual of cranks.

Today, however, I want to rejoice in the recent-chilling temperatures. Seriously ladies, {notably the single ones} - once jeans, socks, turtlenecks, snuggies, sweatpants, flannel pj's, and sorels are on, it removes all pressure to keep those legs shaved/waxed. The time and money wasted on shaving gels, razors, and wax pots all summer long are now able to STOCKPILE for you to use at your discretion!

Those are not the only perks to body hair. I clearly remember when I enrolled in the Esthiology program at the Aveda Institute. Day 1 we were instructed to start growing out our body hair for the waxing unit {gulp}. Those were the warmest 2 months of my life...only to be painfully stripped of my au natural state. I had no idea how warm arm hair and unibrows were until that fateful day of WAXING 101. I can practically hear Joni Mitchell singing now, "You don't know what you got till it's gone..." Sigh.

Anyways, if you're going to be shaving and waxing this winter, do not come crawling to me to complain of the frigid temperatures. I will have no pity. No mercy. And no razor for you to borrow.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

It PAYS to read!!! {pun intended!}

I have had a stack of books on my desk for quite awhile now. There are several that are half read, a couple that have yet to be cracked open, and then there is one lone book that I have read several times but recently put in my "To Read" stack once again, as it has been awhile.

The book is called "Becoming a Woman of Influence" by Carol Kent. The title and author have no relation to my story, other than I recommend it. As I dusted it off and then set it back down on my desk, I clumsily (surprised?) dropped it and a letter fell out. It was from the bowling alley from almost a decade ago. Glancing at it, I laughed as it struck me funny that the letter I had apparently been using as my bookmark was an old letter saying that my check written to the bowling alley had bounced and that I owed them $5.00...{oops}.

That debt was paid long ago, so I figured it was about time to chuck the letter, when I noticed the corner of ANOTHER little piece of paper sticking out from the folded letter. Pulling it out, my jaw dropped to the ground. IT WAS A PERFECTLY CRISP $100.00 BILL!!!!!! I seriously have pennies to my name - the only time my hands are touching a $100 bill is when someone pays cash at Aveda!

No explanation. And no, it's not even counterfeit!!! {I checked!} I have no recollection of $100 gone missing years and years ago. Did someone plant it there? Did I cash a check and accidentally slip the money in that book? All I DO know is...seriously people, it PAYS to read!!!!!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

X-RATED! {X-hausted, X-cited, X-tremely nervous!}

Tonight will be short...I am so exhausted! It seems I have been zipping around like a madwoman working, going to school, traveling to an out-of-state wedding, writing, among other crazy things...

HOWEVER...

I cannot seem to sleep! My mind has been spinning a million miles an hour with getting preparations made for the fall boutique my friend and I are hosting in just 2 days! I can't believe it's finally here...we have been creating business plans for many ventures since the 2nd grade (she even got a REAL cash register in 3rd grade for Christmas that we would "play with" - which, um, we are TOTALLY using for the boutique!) :) Ha-ha-ha...

But really, it is very exciting - I am absolutely floored by the creativity that people possess as the cutest jewelry, photos, gifts, children's clothes/blankets/misc, decorations, etc...continue pouring in!!! In just 2-days Miss Mona's Whimsy will be underway and I am so excited slash nervous for the occasion!

I would love to see you there...as we've got TONS of adorable things...and yet, what good is it without customers to find treasures and gifts galore? I'm not pitching my stuff by the way - I seriously just can't stop bragging about other people's funky things!!! My Christmas shopping is DONE thanks to them :)
{Browsing and Cider are FREE! If you'd like to stop by, MMW is located at 6606 Sherman Lake Road ~ Lino Lakes, MN 55038...Friday and Saturday from 10a~8pm}

Monday, October 5, 2009

Sunday's Tragedy

Driving down 694, I was headed to Cambridge to celebrate my brother's birthday with my family. Nothing could have prepared me for the tragic scare I was about to experience...

Rewind: I had been traveling home from Pittsburgh since 2:30am, running on 3 hours of sleep. I had also been locked out of my apartment when my flight arrived at 8am. By the time I hit the road, I was already feeling a bit dazed. I was nearing my exit when all of a sudden, a little black car in front of me flew at 70 miles per hour off the highway and deep into the ditch, flipping over and over and over and over again. All I could think as I whipped over to the side of the road was, "I am watching people die right now. I can't believe I'm watching people die."

When it finally stopped flipping, it was upside down. Running as fast as my body could carry me down the steep grade, through the mud, grass and shattered glass and metal I, with another man, were the first to the vehicle. I could see nothing from the driver's side except an arm. CALL 911 I shouted to a girl who was running down the hill.

The car was crushed so low that it was impossible to access it or see inside. Something inside of me said, "This person's not alone." I ran to the other side of the car and pressed my face up against the back window only to see two screaming children (one baby) hanging upside down, completely trapped. "There's babies in the back!" I yelled to the other first responder on the other side of the vehicle.

I was so scared that I was about to watch these people die. We could not get to them and I felt like if we didn't act fast, the car might blow up and the memory of those screaming babies would haunt me forever. We busted into the only access point possible: the rear door on the driver's side. From there, we saw a woman, white as a ghost, twitching and staring at us. The men found a way to pull her out and carry her a distance away. When she was out, I saw part of a man's body, also white as a ghost, with his face covered in blood. He was trapped and we could not reach him.

We started working on the baby girl. We freed her and carried her to her mom. The little 4-year old boy was difficult to reach, but soon he was in my arms, squeezing me almost as tightly as I was squeezing him. I sat holding him so tightly in the wet grass, surrounded by pieces of their car, shattered glass, and covered in dirt and mud for the next hour. He just sat there, nestled close to me - a feeling I will never forget.

The mom had MS - we found her cane a ways away. She was in shock and said she was seeing double. Soon thereafter, the men somehow had managed to pull out the father with a bloody head wound. The medics arrived and worked on the mom and dad in the ambulance for that hour while I just held that little boy in a heap in the ditch. When the medics came to take him, he looked at me with fear...I told him he was so lucky to get to ride in an ambulance and I squeezed him tight as we walked up to the door.

There his mom and dad were in neck braces, bandaging, blood and more, still very much in shock from what had just happened. It was a heartbreaking experience and one I will remember for a lifetime.

Climbing back in my car, my dirty hands shook as they clutched the wheel. I looked again at their car as I drove away, amazed that 4 living breathing lives were pulled from that wreck. They should all be okay. And the cause? ...a mattress and boxspring that had fallen off someone's vehicle, abandoned in the middle of the highway. They had swerved to miss it, as had many other's around us, yet they were the only unfortunate ones to lose control.

Driving home, I felt a deep sense of comraderie wash over me. I have no idea what the names were of the other men and women who assisted in extracting that family from their car. None of us had time to chat, exchange numbers, ask names, make a gameplan, or strategize. It had been as if we had become one unit, one person making phone calls, one person holding a baby, another person holding the car seat in place while another unbolted it from it's hanging position. Still another calmed people down, others gave information to officials, and others gathered strewn belongings. Just as fast as they appeared, they were also gone. Although I will never get the chance to meet them, it was an honor to be amongst these heroes.