BIG CHANGES to Jen's Adventures!!!

Two years and 4 months ago I made fun of my friends with blogs {to their faces of course!}.  Then 23 months ago, I took a job traveling around the U.S. and spent many nights in hotels with a LOT of free time on my hands...so out of those lonely nights, Adventures with Jen was born.

I quickly became a full-fledged blogger with no regrets...in fact, I have met many great "friends" through the blogging community - and been blown away by the fun stories, humor, honesty, realness, and thought-provoking posts from many of your blogs as well!

But I have a confession.  I have been cheating on all of you.  Yes, it's true.  While you have faithfully continued to read this blog, I have been sneaking around behind all of your backs working TIRELESSLY on a NEW and IMPROVED Adventures with Jen.  Don't be offended, as a surprise party just isn't the same without the SURPRISE element!

I SO hope you will follow my new site - please update your Google Readers, subscriptions, and/or bookmarks for the GRAND OPENING of...{drumroll please!}...

http://www.adventureswithjen.com

I'll see you there!

*This site will remain active with old posts, yet all new updates will be at http://www.adventureswithjen.com

My past is catching up with me...

Things I did during my first night of Professional Presentations:

1.  Accidentally flirted with my professor who is a) married and b) in his 60's by mindlessly winking at him while smiling during my first presentation.

2.  Showed him this picture from a presentation I had done for a business class {not the kind of "business" you're thinking of...the picture may be a bit misleading} after being asked to show him some of our previous "work" - again, picture might be a bit misleading.  Didn't really think that through before showing him...

3.  When he blushed and stammered out the question, "What exactly was this presentation all about?" I realized he must not understand, so I quickly apologized and said, "Oh, yes, it's not what you think...here let me show you the next slide..."  Which was this:

4.  Tried to tell him that I had been a Stripper for one year - but then realized that didn't sound right either.  Then told him that "What I MEAN is that my presentation was about how Stripping can make you extra money..." - then trailed off as I knew that didn't sound quite right either.

5.  Finally, just as I was about to explain that by STRIPPING, I meant stripping away extra spending {not clothing}...he interrupted with a, "I should uh, probably get my things packed up now." ...as the class was all leaving. 

I'm guessing this class won't be the easy "A" that a stripper girl like me could hope for...

Staring at...his butt.

After work I hit up the gym for a workout.  Hopping on a bike, I was about to crack open my latest read when I glanced up and saw it.  There was a handsome young guy running on the treadmill just a few feet in front of me, and my eyes were immediately drawn to his butt.  I couldn't stop staring!  I would pedal faster and hold my book up higher, trying to divert my attention, but soon my eyes would be peering over the pages...staring.

I looked around at the others around me.  There was a girl doing abs on my right.  "Doesn't she see this guy?" I wondered.  An elderly woman walked past, right behind him.  "Why is she not staring?" I pondered.

I kept trying to workout without peeking, but I couldn't help it...my eyes kept wandering back to his butt!  His muscular arms would wipe the sweat from his brow and then he would wipe his hand on his back end as he ran.  "Oh, there you go!  Just a little to the right!" I nearly mumbled out loud.

Believe me when I say, I was THIS CLOSE {holding up fingers a cm a part} to running back to my apartment and getting my cellphone to discreetly take pictures of his...well, you get the picture.

Finally my staring paid off and I got what I wanted.  In slow motion, his bulging biceps wiped his sweaty brow and then reached back...back...back...to wipe it on his short little shorts...and he FOUND IT.  He found the LONG string of TOILET PAPER that was stuck and hanging out like a nearly 2-foot long TAIL from his back end!!!  He ripped it off and nervously chucked it, looking left and right to see if anyone saw.

No one saw.  Well, no one except the girl on the bike several feet behind him.  That girl saw EVERYTHING.

What Not to Wear: Jen's Edition

If I were ever to be nominated for "What Not to Wear" {which, unfortunately very well could happen judging by my apparel some days}, I know EXACTLY what I would be busted for.  I would show up to New York with my entire wardrobe for Clinton and Stacy to examine.  One by one, they would hold up an assortment of zippable shirts.  They would stand next to me in the 360 mirror as I tried zippable shirt after zippable shirt on.  A not-so-eclectic mix of hoody-fleecy-workoutish-zippable shirts.  I would stutter and stammer and they would point and shake their heads. 

I have an addiction to zippable shirts.

Some are brand name with whicking capabilities.

Some are old, faded & stained.

Some cozy.

Some have short sleeves.

And some have 3/4 sleeves.

Some were gifts.

And some were awarded after Freezing my Gizzard...

Others were WORN while Freezing my Gizzard.

There are some that make me feel like Avril Lavigne.

And others that are soft and green.

I have zip-ups from Young Life.

There are some that I have never even worn {shameful head hang}.

Some are from old jobs.

And some of from old days {high school - YIKES!}

MANY are black.

And many are not.

And WHO, may I ask needs two zip-ups that are BLUE?

Apparently...I DO!!!!

Some of these zip-ups have crazy big necks.

And others are grungy with holes...and have seen better days.

I realize my addiction to all things with zippers and hoods must stop.  Sadly, when I took out all of these zippered shirts, my closet was nearly completely empty.  The items that were left I had forgotten I had!  I wear zippered-hooded items DAILY - which is why this week, I am sending myself on a What Not to Wear personal challenge...I cannot wear a zippered-hooded item for an entire WEEK. 

Better go change...

I Vacated...AND GOT ON NATIONAL TV!!!

You are now reading the blog of a real, live, nationally famous runner.  Let me tell you this weekend's Story of Glory.  {clearing of the throat}  It all began in December, when I told my cousin that I wanted to sign up for the Freeze Yer Gizzard in a Blizzard 5K in International Falls, MN.  For those of you not from these parts, International Falls is THE COLDEST point on the map in the lower 48.  Make that 49...Hawaii doesn't even come close.  Why did I want to do this?  Adventure, folks.  This IS thejenniadventures afterall.

When we sent in our registrations, I informed her that I had no intent of running, perhaps just crawling - but that my ONLY GOAL was to make it onto the FRONT PAGE of their newspaper.  Big dreams produce big results, as I had no idea {innocent eye flutter} that CBS national news was covering the event.

The drive takes nearly 5 hours.  As I hopped into her car, I said "Mind if we make a couple stops?  Like to the Thrift Store?"  The glimmer in my eyes made her groan, as visions of 1980's matching windsuits danced through my head.  Unfortunately there were no matching outfits...so I purchased a shiny, metallic, TEAL, 1980's windsuit for myself...leaving my cousin wandering aimlessly down the costume aisle.  It was her lucky day.  There was a skintight bumblebee outfit with a tutu attached that had her name on it!  By the time we got to our hotel, it was late Friday night.

RACE DAY:  We awoke 2.5 hours prior to the race {against my will - ugh - morning people KILL me!} and got dressed.  I anxiously awaited the looks we would get in our tutus and metallic shine as we approached the registration table.  But oddly enough, I got no chuckles or cross-eyed glances.  In fact, I got the feeling that I was perfectly dressed for this northern Minnesota crowd.  The Bumblebee however, was a different story...

At one point, a woman walked up to me with a sympathetic side-hug and said, "Ohhhh, hunny.  Are you a smoker?"  Tipping my head, I said no I was not.  She pulled her arm away and said, "Oh - I guess I thought that was why you are running with a monkey on your back!"  I laughed.  That made sense.  But then I stopped laughing.  Because I realized EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS REALLY TRYING TO LOOK GOOD!!!  Sigh.

As the gun went off, Michelle and I did high-kicks, giggled, danced and twirled.  Alright fine.  SHE did high-kicks, giggled, danced and twirled THE ENTIRE 5K.  I slowly chugged along, cursing swear words at her annoyingly large amounts of energy.  BUT I MADE IT!  I ran the whole darn thing, to which I was both proud and a bit shocked!

After showering, we headed back into town to watch the Turkey Bowling and Smooshing events...and started chatting with a guy outside the coffee shop...WHO ENDED UP BEING WITH CBS!  He was the "microphone holder guy" that we had seen while running.  When he found out that we were the Bumblebee and "Poorly Dressed Sidekick" he chuckled and said they got footage of us that will definately be shown this Sunday on the national CBS news!!!

To top it off, we were approached by the Chamber of Commerce...the woman shook our hands and thanked us for coming.  She said there is going to be some great shots of us on the FRONT PAGE...and she hopes we come back next year!

We assured her we will...and we've already got our outfits planned out!

I'm Vacating: Part I {& Aveda Contest Winner!}

Webster describes "vacate" as to cause to be empty or unoccupied; make vacant: to vacate one's mind of worries.

This description seems to perfectly describe this 9-day stretch.  Claiming that I'm on "vacation" just doesn't seem appropriate, as that brings visions of beaches, drinks with umbrellas, and cabana boys.  Because my destinations are Chicago, IL and International Falls, MN ~ the notable "Icebox of the Nation" ~ I have decided to call this week my 9-Day-Vacate, intentionally causing my mind to be empty, unoccupied, and void of worries.

So far, so good.  I just wrapped up my trip to Chicago {pictures & adventures to come}...although this trip consisted of 6 kids under the age of 7 years old, 1 dog, and 4 adults all packed into a teeny-tiny house, it was surprisingly...vacating!  Did I say surprisingly?  I meant SHOCKINGLY vacating!  Naps, watching movies, playing Wii tennis, LOTS of chatting, even more laughing, eating, drinking lattes, cutting my friends' hair {along with prefacing them MANY times with "just remember, I am not trained in this!"} and having a near-death experience hitting my face with the Wii hand-controller as I desperately swung for the "on-screen ball"...it was a great trip!

I had made the drive with my friend Melissa, but came back Thursday on the MEGABUS.  If you are into cheap travel, cheap thrills, and near-death-experiences, the MEGABUS is for YOU!  In fact, {drumroll please!!!} my ticket, with tax was only...

50 cents!!! 

Yes, this is not a scam, not a joke, and not an early April Fool's Day trick.  This is real life.  My "Chicago Vacate" was not only FUN...it was also CHEAP, which really folks, can there BE a better combination in life?

This makes Barb I. the lucky winner of Aveda Hand Relief Contenst!  :)  ~ Barb, would you send your address to: carlson_jen@juno.com ~ good votes everyone!  More Aveda contests to come...

Contest! ...just for kicks... WIN Aveda!

I'm headed to Chicago for a few days and will be riding in style on my way home...

Any guesses as to how much my MegaBus ticket cost {price+tax} from Chicago to Minneapolis?

Post your guess ~ closest guess WINS an Aveda Hand Relief!  *$19 Value*

Winner will be posted on Friday, January 14, 2010

The Final Goodbye

Dear trusty station wagon,
I will never forget that day we met, six years ago.  Nannying for 2 little girls, I brought them to the used car lot and asked which car they liked.  They pointed to you and said, "That one!  We need a station wagon to haul all of our stuff!"  The letters S-U-C-K-E-R must have been written on my forehead...I bought you.

The there was the time the teenage driver hit us, causing your airbag to nearly kill me.  And then remember how he sued me?  And won?  Oh yes, such sweet memories with you my trusty station wagon...

I recall packing you full with every item of clothing, picture frame, plastic tub, and Enrique Iglesias poster I could squash in - and driving 1,721 miles to Oregon to relocate.  With every pot hole in Montana, you bottomed out.  But you made it...and there were many great adventures with you in Oregon as well...

Like the time my friend Melissa and her daughter Ella came to visit, and we drove 20 miles into the desert with no cell phone service - LITERALLY - and you broke down.  Or when you ran out of gas in the middle of that same desert at 4am and a semi-truck driver had to give me a lift to the nearest town: Population 17.  Or when the landscape guys thought it would be funny to put a dead hawk on your driver's seat.  Such memories oh trusty station wagon.

Yes, the lipgloss and bronzer stains all over the seat from too many "makeup mishaps" on the way to work will always be there - a reminder of the good old days.  The sun visor that was ripped off when *someone* apparently had really bad PMS and the visor wasn't working properly will leave its mark forever as well.

I leave tomorrow for Chicago, dear trusty station wagon.  When I come home, you will be gone from my life forever...towed...de-parted {literally}.  Do not hate me for letting them rip you into a million pieces and sell all your parts for next-to-nothing dear wagon.  Children with cancer is a good cause, so remember that as your insides are being torn out.

If it makes you feel better, my insides will probably have to be sold too...ever since you died and I'm without a vehicle the money making options are leaning more and more in that direction.  No hard feelings though - who needs 2 lungs anyways?

I miss you already,
Jenni, proud owner donator of trusty station wagon, 1 lung, a spleen, and a kidney

R.I.P.

Leave Me to My Sheep

After my cousin brought me home after work, I bundled up and went out to the dark parking lot to attempt to get my friends' car started.  You know, the car that they borrowed to me that died simultaneously with mine this week?  I tried to pop the hood for 20 minutes - then came in to warm up.  I then went back out and recruited the help of a male passer-byer to help pop the hood, to no avail.  I contemplated lowering my hair-dryer from my 2nd story window to try and thaw it out...but then I saw it - A PLUG-IN hanging from the front of the car!  Who needs to JUMP the car when you can just PLUG-IN the car?!?!?!?

Off I rushed to gather extension cords - I found 2 cords and 1 strand of Christmas lights (what? they TOTALLY work as extension cords!) which I hooked up and strung over to the car to plug it in.  Turned out the car needed a 3-prong, a feature in which my Christmas lights did not offer. 

Despite the -12 degree windchill, I walked the 3 blocks (in the dark) to the thrift store to buy an extension cord.  Upon arrival, I said to the clerk "Eyemim duhmowkit foyah thweep wrung eckthenshun corud."  Unfortunately because my lips and chin were frozen solid my request of "I'm in the market for a 3-prong extension cord" was not easily understood.  I searched high and low, but alas, no 3-prongs. 

So I trudged across the railroad tracks the 3 blocks to Fuel Mart.  The little bell above the door signaled my arrival as I repeated, "Eyemim duhmowkit foyah thweep wrung eckthenshun corud."  After using some hand gestures and old fashioned pen & paper, he chuckled and said they do not carry 3-prong extension cords.

Exiting, I began the 7 block trek to Wal-Mart.  By this time, it wasn't my frozen lips that concerned me as much as my frozen cheeks...and I'm not talking about the ones on my face.  Wal-Mart offered me a plethora of 3-prongs to choose from.  I decided on an orange 25-footer, and headed out the door,,,but not before purchasing animal crackers for my dinner.  Frozen tundra greeted me as the automatic doors opened and I marched through icy, snowy drifts back home. 

My frozen heart melted into sheer pride as I plugged my shiny new 3-prong into my apartment building and pulled it over to the car, ready to plu - WAIT.  STOP.  WHAT THE....  My 25-footer was 3 inches short of the car.  THREE INCHES!!!!!!!!

Back to Wal-Mart I stumbled {and grumbled}.  I began to wonder if "freezer burn" was possible on internal organs.  Back in the extension cord aisle you would THINK they would sell 3-inch long 3-prong extension cords, but no.  They don't.  They sell 12 foot extension cords for $10...or the 25-foot extension cords for $5.83 - sigh - So I was now up to 50-feet worth of extension cords for a 25-foot-3-inch job.

Tonight I walked 27 blocks in -12 degree windchill.  In the dark.  Without mace.  For 3.49 hours.  I am tangled up in 5 extension cords and 1 strand of Christmas lights.  I can't feel my cheeks.  Yes, those cheeks.  And I am eating animal crackers for dinner.  Please, just leave me to my sheep.  {crunch-crunch}

Dave the Toe Man

Not a bad photo for being taken with my phone!  Well folks, turns out it wasn't the transmission blowing that was the tragic ending to my car's life.  Who would have thought that my inability to smell {anosmia = being born with a sense of smell} would be at fault?  Not I.  Not I.

The photo above is taken from inside a tow truck after my car SHUT DOWN in the middle of an exit during rush hour traffic.  Apparently I had an oil leak but couldn't smell it.  The engine blew.  The car died.  I almost died of hypothermia waiting for Dave, the Tow Man {not to be mistaken for Dave the Toe Man}.

The joke of the day was that after downloading this photo into my computer, I couldn't find it in my "Pictures" folder.  After doing a search, I found that it was accidentally {and IRONICALLY} saved in a folder titled "Faith Resources" ~ a place I store inspirational notes, messages, and now apparently photographs. Ha, ha, ha, choking sob...

Anyone need a housecleaner, esthetician, baby-sitter, shoe shiner, pole dancer, or errand runner?  Oh, and can I get ride...?

Kashuffling Through the Smog

Getting into bed at 10:24pm felt great last night.  I was tired.  I had an early morning ahead of me.  I was buried in lots of down blankets.  Sounds like the begininngs of a great night's sleep huh?

I wish.

I don't know what my deal was, but I laid there until 4am WIDE awake, yet SO tired.  By 4am I decided to just get up and start my day.  I went running, I lifted weights, I stretched, I painted my toenails, I plucked my eyebrows, I showered, I changed outfits twice, I flossed, I made my bed, cleaned my room, sat down for breakfast, and was out the door at 6:37am!  Believe me, that is where all good things came to an end.

Driving in -21 degree weather, on the freeway, in the dark, in a car that won't go over 31MPH, with a frosty windshield, running on ZERO sleep, and pouring more SMOG out of the tailpipe than New York and L.A. COMBINED brought me back to reality quickly.  Oh, and did I mention I was on my way to a 7am DENTIST APPOINTMENT?!  Seriously, what dentist schedules clients that early?  And what idiot TAKES that appointment?  {don't answer that}

There is only one thing that I fear more than death by quicksand:  THE DENTIST.

Well, the good news was, mere moments after my arrival, they sent me back home.  The bad news was, they told me that it was because my health insurance had been cancelled.  Uh, WHAT?!  I had also scheduled a  doctor's appointment for 8:30am today, but since my insurance company didn't take calls till 8:30am...I sat in the lobby of my NEXT appointment, dozing off until 8:30am - I called and let me tell you, if I had a dollar for every time I heard "Interesting...I've NEVER seen this before!" I would be able to buy 17 new transmissions for my car.

Turns out, some of my paperwork got lost in the New Year's kashuffle* and I now have to pay 100% out of pocket during January, and then get reimbursed by my insurance company when all the "dust settles."  Yah, right - since I've got so much money laying around these days!  So I ditched my appointments and cancelled my leg surgery scheduled in 2 weeks.  Awesome.

By this time, I was STARVING, so I figured I should grab lunch at Subway.  When I pulled in, I was dumbfounded they were closed until I realized it was only 9:45am.  I get it.  Normal people don't get up at 4am.  Whatev.  I'll just putter home in my smog-breathing station wagon...

During this time of chaos and confusion, I find myself dwelling on the wisdom of Solomon in 250 BC {and later by The Byrds in 1965} that "There is a season...a time to weep and a time to laugh.  A time to mourn and a time to dye your hair red..." {italics added}

That's right.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  I feel that the best thing for me to do under pressure is to impulsively dye my hair red.  Really, when I think about it, this new do can be my secret symbol of hope.  Hope that by the time my roots start to show in about 8 weeks, these problems will be behind me...

*kashuffle - a made up word that sounds just a bit cooler than "shuffle"

Sam I Am

This is Sam.

His voice sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Ex: {in deep, manly voice} "Me want Hot Co Co."

Apparently I was taking a bit too long getting bundled up, as this is how I found Sam the other day.  Slumped sleepily outside, patiently waiting for his pokey-nanny :)

It's not MY fault!

That's the book I'm reading right now.  "It's not my fault!"  Who WOULDN'T want to read something with that title?  Let me fill you in on Catastrophe #5,783...

Within a month, I put dumped $700 into fixing my car.  Last week, the transmission blew.  Cost to fix it?  Around $2,000.  Amount the dealership said they'd give me on a trade in?  $500.

Kind friends lent me their car.  Well, um {nervous laughter}, it won't start.  Today, when my "back-up car" wouldn't start for the 2nd time, I drove MY driving-hazard {aka. station wagon} to a baby shower.  Well, I TRIED to get to the baby shower.  It was 45 minutes away.  After driving for almost an hour, I was not even half way there.  Interestly enough, cars with bad transmissions don't go over 31mph on the freeway.  Found that one out the hard way.  So I was forced to turn on my hazards, turn around, and drive the hour home.  I've been checking out some cars to replace this one, however during tough financial times, it is difficult to picture how I can take this next step...

In a currently stressful time of life, I have been seeking ways to try and "keep my cool" {the goal of my life!}.  Over the past week, I have come face-to-face with powerful words of encouragement - and not ones that I expected.  Some people have been saying, "Wow, I just can't wait to see how God provides for you during this time!"  I reply with a grim, "Yeah, I can't wait either.  Literally God, I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER!  I have no car{s}!!!  No money!!!  And no more contact solution!!!" {luckily, that one was an easy fix}

The book "It's Not My Fault" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend has recently been kicking my butt into GO-mode.  One of many real-life examples include a woman who was having marital problems.  She said, "I've tried EVERYTHING to solve this problem, and NOTHING helps!"  With my empathetic heart, I would have sadly shaken my head and told her I was so sorry to hear that.  Then again, empathy is not always a gift.  These cut and dry authors take a different approach.  They ask questions like, "So, what exactly is "EVERYTHING?"  and "What do you mean by "TRY?"

In my case, I would argue the fact that I have been trying for a good year to save cash for a new car, but every time the bank account starts moving UP, something goes wrong and I have to pay out hundreds to fix it.  I would argue that I have been a full-time student, barely making ends meet as it is, but working hard to pay bills while taking classes.  I would argue that I have humbled myself into asking friends for rides, and been even more humbled to borrow a car.  I would argue that I just plain old have bad luck.  I've even picked up extra side jobs to try and push through and save more.  It's not MY fault that I am facing this dillema.  I've done everything that I can do!!!!  I mean really, I've TRIED!

Really?  EVERYTHING?

Conviction sets in.  Sometimes being the victim seems like the only outlook.  Sometimes throwing in the towel and being mad that God doesn't provide feels so right.  But then again, words from the message at church today told me, "Do EVERYTHING you can...and THEN God will do everything that He can."

The truth is, I haven't taken the bus to work yet.  And while I very well may have to leave 3 hours before my arrival time, hey, sometimes you have to try EVERYTHING.  I've been wanting to save for a car that will last me for the long haul.  But maybe "trying everything" means getting a $1000 clunker to get me through the winter.  Trying everything might include trading facials for car rides from friends for a couple months so my feet can hit the ground running.  Trying everything might mean selling some things that I really love so that I can someday live how I want to live.

At this moment, I am not sure what "trying everything" really means...but I am very inspired to find out.  And I really do believe that after I do everything that I can, God will then do everything He can.

Oh, and just for the record, the drawer that broke off in my kitchen today was SO not my fault!  I mean, those scissors in my hand just had a such a mind of their own...Geez...